Anything Other Than Yes is No
by Gilmoregirl19
Summary: One-shot covering Rory and Logan's thoughts after the horrible proposal and rejection. ROGAN.


**This is a one-shot, it's just something I've been thinking about after catching the dreaded proposal episode and I don't want it going to waste in my documents. **

**I've outlined both Rory and Logan's thoughts, though I might use some of this writing in Messing with Forever since it obviously has several tie-ins. Rory might be a little OOC, but it's the only way I could justify her saying no to Logan! **

**This was heavily inspired by a number of sad songs – I'm curious to see if you can guess! I'll tell you if review :) **

**It is a little heavy on the drams, but one day I'll do a fluff-filled one-shot. Hope you enjoy and I promise to update Not So Simple Life next! Much Love. **

* * *

**_Her side: _**

People say that life is a funny thing.

These people obviously have no clue what they are talking about.

Tonight life wasn't funny in the slightest. Tonight, life sneaked up one me in the form of a blonde, brown-eyed boy holding a blue velvet box. As if leaving me hanging by a thread as my college career drew to a close, life decided to mock me with a marriage proposal.

Me!

Rory Gilmore, the girl with a plan. Now I'm Rory Gilmore, the girl with a stack of rejection letters a mile high in my one corner, and that expensive, sparkly ring in my other.

Reflecting on it now, as I sit here pretending to pack up the last of the apartment, I realize that the plan was a joke. It was determined by semesters, holidays and school breaks.

Alright, so it wasn't earth-shattering, but I trusted it. There was a certain comfort in knowing that with a life split up by course work and classes, nothing all too dramatic would change. I was in control, prepared with a vague idea of the future in my mind's eye.

That idea alone was enough for me to not freak-out. I hate change, though in all likelihood I could - would - be able to change, but taking that step into the unknown is downright petrifying, certainly something one wouldn't sign up for on a voluntary basis.

That's why I needed Mom on the first night at Yale, that's why I established a friendship with Paris. If anything, I could count on her competitive streak. That's probably why I maintained my friendship with Marty, too. I always suspected he liked me more than a friend, but he quickly became a constant in my life. He was sweet, dependable. Always a friend, never a boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Husband.

God, didn't Logan realize how big of a change that was? It was monumental. And, sure, he convinced me to jump, but even then I was attached to a cord. I had an umbrella, his hand, something to hold on to.

I suppose it's not fair to blame change for my decision. After all, change snuck up on Lane and she was blessed with two baby boys. Grandma and Grandpa lived a lifetime of change and they turned out fine. Even Paris mellowed out and some people chase change, like Mom and Logan.

Yes, Logan was never meant to live the life his father set out for him and once he realized that, he changed his life accordingly. His pursuits lead him to San Francisco, where apparently a house with an avocado tree was awaiting him. Us.

Maybe I should have said 'yes,' grabbed hold of his hand and jump into that life but it's his. He mapped it out, he worked for it – he wants it.

Sitting here now as the tears inside me came to an end, I understand why I denied myself of a fairytale I believed in for so long. The truth always comes out and truth is my fairytale wasn't marrying him.

I don't want what he wants. Somewhere I wish I did, but I don't. If I went with him it would because it was comfortable. Safe, reliable, trusted. Perhaps I was in love with the thought of being married, but when reality hit – when I pictured myself at that house he picked for us – it was clear that it wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted the internship at the Times; I would have settled for ProJo, but I didn't want to settle on marriage. I didn't want to settle on a career because of that – I want that same fervor Logan feels for his venture. I deserve that, right? It doesn't make me a bad person just because I wanted something different from what he was offering.

So I said no. No, I didn't even say no. I was a coward, so I said I'm sorry. And he walked away, without even looking back.

I never imagined us to end this way. Our love was rarely simple and easy; it was difficult and real. We were the moving forward type, never at a standstill and he was right; any other answer than 'yes' is 'no'. It would have been an irrevocable step backwards.

And now I need to learn to move forward on my own. I need to do is be able to embrace change by myself, without relying on another to make that decision for me. I need to breathe on my own, without Logan, my grandparents or my mother.

That doesn't change the fact that I miss him; my heart hasn't stopped aching, but I can't... I won't be forced into a life that I can't fully embrace. I don't know who I am or where I'm going, but I do know that I want to be more than Rory Gilmore, his Ace.

I just wished I realized this before he got down on one knee.

* * *

**_His side: _**

People typically don't say no to me. In a perfect world, it'd be because my self-confidence, or brilliant arguments lead people to side with me, but I know we don't live in a perfect world. People tend to agree with me because of my last name. It's a simple truth and I've grown accustomed to it; I expect it.

What I didn't except is to hear it from her. And yet, the apology she used to soften the blow flowed effortlessly from her lips, fatally piercing our relationship. The last deep and dying breath came as she sighed, suggesting to go long distance, but she had to know we were done.

After she forced me to choose – all or nothing – she knew I would be 'all', every time. But that didn't stop her from uttering those words and smashing my dreams and our future together.

I know that it doesn't always work out for some couples, but they are random people. They aren't us; we were in love.

Love.

I had said it so many times before, but it was lying. Infatuation, lust was a quick and easy emotion and saying those three words was just as quick and easy. Feeling true love is hard, but I knew I felt it with her and honestly, I thought it'd last forever; that it was enough.

Our romance was laced with quite literal sky-high ups and cliff-jumping depths but we had overcome it all. Every head-to-head with my parents, getting Lorelai's approval, sneaking around the Gilmore pool house, my time in London…We'd prevailed.

But this was a step too far. Perhaps I did make a mistake in asking her, but I honestly thought she would be positive. Granted, spontaneous isn't exactly what I'd use to describe her; however, she fully embraced the notion of us moving in together. Really, all marriage did was making it legal. A ring, a party, no big deal.

That's a lie. It would have been a big deal. Me, Logan Huntzberger, onetime playboy standing up before the world, proclaiming my love to one and one girl only. My girl. Maybe I'm going crazy, because that thought alone still brings a smile to my face.

I still see her standing in our kitchen in Cali dunking a tortilla chip in homemade guacamole. I know I'm dreaming, but I don't want to face a Rory-less reality just yet. I know she won't ever set foot in my San Francisco house even though I want her there, with me, more than anything. I want her to wake up by my side every morning; I wanted her to take that leap of faith. Maybe I was looking for recognition, asking her to let me know that I was worth it. Worthy of marriage, worthy of her love.

She was certainly more than worthy of mine. But she didn't want that and she didn't seem to regret rejecting it.

And this, this what I'm feeling right now isn't a silly heartache; it's raw, gut wrenching hurt. Hurt that lead me to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels, hurt that made me Google search one-bedroom apartments in San Francisco, hurt that almost caused me to drunk-dial her a handful of times.

But, I kept my dignity, even though I'm mourning that life we could have had, everything from babies to growing old, sitting side-by-side in matching rockers.

I know I'm broken and I hate her for doing that to me. I doubt I'll ever let a woman come that close again, though I suppose that over time the dull ache will fade. Perhaps I'll find someone new; a simple uncomplicated kind of love.

There is one good swig of JD left. I'll drink it and that'll be the end of this mess. I'm flying out to California tomorrow, stepping forward. Alone, but I'm moving forward none the less. Life is too short to stand still. I'll look back at this as just a bump, a scene in the movie of my life and maybe even chuckle at young love that felt so adult at the time.

And yet, right now, I miss her more than I should.

More than I ever thought I could.

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_Aw. It's sad, I didn't bring them back together and I should have because I'm Rogan all the wya, but I just needed to write it. Hope you liked and if not I'll be returning to my regular fics soon.  
PS: the title is taken from a John Mayer lyric off "Friends, Lovers or Nothing", a new song of his I watched on Youtube. _


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